8 THINGS I'M MISSING AT THE LARCHMONT FARMERS MARKET THIS MORNING

larchmont is the hip, affluent los angeles answer to pleasantville.
  1. 1.
    a luxury suv
    that is also an electric vehicle. it reverses global warming as we drive it -- taking it out to the palm springs house every weekend is the least we can do. but we're always back in time to make it to the larchmont farmers market.
  2. 2.
    chic reusable bags
    room for all my organic, free-range, grass-fed, hormone-free, fair-trade goodies. like this pink himilayan garlic salt and these french baguettes i keep buying because i love bread and have the metabolism of a 9-year-old boy.
  3. 3.
    a rugged yet sensitive husband
    who holds half the bags and one of our impossibly cute kids probably named juniper. a taller mark ruffalo with better teeth -- he's funny and smart, can pull off those birkenstocks but can't keep his hands off me.
  4. 4.
    drop-crotch parachute pants
    that cost more than the average dinner for a family of four. the notoriously unflattering style somehow makes me look thin enough for the friend i bump into over organic peach samples to remark, "i can't believe you've had two kids!"
  5. 5.
    two kids!
    juniper and her long-haired brother milo, who you might recognize from the crewcuts ads that are paying their private school tuition. they're probably munching on some raw broccoli -- my babies love their veggies!
  6. 6.
    eight bouquets of fresh flowers
    because each bathroom in our house in the hills needs at least two.
  7. 7.
    vegan leather sling for my yoga mat
    because i always make time for my practice between cooking a high protein breakfast for junie and milo and having sexy sex with hotter-mark-ruffs.
  8. 8.
    a floppy straw hat
    that keeps the sun off my genetically blessed botox-free skin. i'm always telling people the secret to my runway-glow is sex, water and gratitude. wait, forget the farmers market bounty, we should pick up cafe gratitude for dinner! namaste.