A DAY IN THE LIFE WITH PMS

i enjoy being a girl just as much as peggy lee but one day a month i devolve into a puddle of self-pity and doubt.
  1. eat chocolate covered banana bites for breakfast because that's what society tells me my body wants. and because chocolate.
  2. go on a hike alone because we're all just wandering through this world alone, y'know?
  3. pass an old couple hiking hand-in-hand and cry behind my sunglasses.
  4. look into my closet and wonder what the fuck ever possessed me to buy any of these garbage clothes.
  5. fall into intagram k-hole and emerge with new life plan to move to topanga canyon and stop wearing makeup.
  6. spend $450 on glorified nightgowns from freepeople.com for my new life in topanga canyon.
  7. write at a coffee shop until radiohead's "creep" comes on. cry in bathroom because he's right, "what the hell am i doing here?" and because i'm afraid i'll never write anything as good as the "social network" trailer.
  8. run into a friend doing a cleanse. research cleanses but abandon the idea because there's no good time not to drink.
  9. cry thinking back on a handwritten "lost dog" flyer i saw on hillhurst.
  10. reread sexts with guy who's not the one. mull the eternal questions: "if i'm too good for him then why i aren't i with him?"
  11. text that guy anyway because he never fails to makes me feel beautiful. but then decline his invitation for a nightcap, he can't see me like this. i look like shrek.
  12. instead cuddle up to my cat. worry i'll never feel this unconditional love for someone with opposable thumbs.
  13. fall asleep feeling fat, ugly, talentless, lonely, lost and guilty about the $450 i spent on freepeople.com for my new life in topanga canyon.
  14. wake up 7 hours later totally fine. repeat in 28 days.