DENTAL FLOSS ALTERNATIVES

a how-to for getting that thing out of your teeth.
  1. toothpick
    not every restaurant has them, but these tiny twigs can be a saving grace when they're sharp enough. RISK: your toothpick splits and now you have food and a splinter in your teeth.
  2. fingernail
    it's usually the first option but rarely the most successful unless you have lana del rey talons. RISK: you bite off some of your nail polish and now you have food and nail polish in your teeth.
  3. paper
    business cards tend to be too thick but if you can get your hands on the corner of a paper table cloth, it's worth a shot. RISK: you get a paper cut on your gums.
  4. bobby pin
    if you've got a prom up-do, you're in great shape. just remember to bite off the protective plastic end first. RISK: one wrong move and now you've got food and blood in your teeth.
  5. earring
    if you've got pierced ears, the post of an earring is an option at the ready. RISK: you don't clean your earrings often and now you have ear gunk and food in your teeth.
  6. hair
    you're gonna need to bite/pull off enough hairs to twist into a hair rope (thickness may vary). RISK: it gets stuck and now you have food and a sprig of hair stuck in your teeth.
  7. tampon
    you know how tampon strings are made up of a bunch of smaller tampon strings? unravel them and you've got yourself a whole gaggle of natural floss. RISK: someone sees you flossing with a tampon string.
  8. five dollar bill
    you're gonna wanna fold it in half length-wise. then put it in your wallet, drive to riteaid and buy tampons. see above.