THINGS I'VE SAID TO MY CAT THAT I HAVEN'T SAID TO A MAN

  1. "you're not fat you're just loved."
  2. "my favorite kind of bug is a love bug."
  3. "come, let's dance like lovers."
  4. "seriously? you are literally biting the hand that feeds you."
  5. "let's live in this cuddle forever."
  6. "mama's just gonna put on pajamas, then we can watch house of cards."
  7. "alvy baby" (to the tune of "santa baby")
  8. "i know i'm you're only friend, but you're my best friend."