THE TEN THINGS ALL (OK MOST) WOMEN LIE ABOUT IN NEW RELATIONSHIPS

Not me of course, just everyone else
  1. 1. Your favorite band—whether you lie and say you enjoy the same music as your date (we have so much in common!) or you name someone the 2.0 version of you would like, no one is going to admit that their favorite band is Matchbox 20.
  2. 2. You’re fluent in Spanish. No, you’re not.
  3. 3. You're fluent in French. Seriously please stop.
  4. 4. You’re not a jealous person. Ok, so you spent the two hours before this date attempting to break into your ex’s email account, but that doesn’t count. It’s not like you kept a lock of his hair or anything…
  5. 5. Your number of sexual partners. This is so obvious I almost didn’t bother writing it down.
  6. 6. Your drug experimentation history. (See above.)
  7. 7. You never watch television. 90% of the population has binge watched Lost, Breaking Bad, and Game of Thrones. And you’re no exception. Pretending you’re Amish is neither interesting nor true, and yet the little charade continues.
  8. 8. You’re spontaneous. You tried on six different outfits tonight, nearly drove yourself to the brink of insanity dissecting the pros and cons of this date, you made a backup/escape plan in case of “emergency”, and you’re already maniacally charting the future course of this relationship. So yea, you totally just go with the flow.
  9. 9. You’d love to go to a game sometime! No really, why does every guy ask you near the beginning of a relationship if you want to go to (fill in the blank) sporting event. And who are the woman who say “yes” enthusiastically and mean it? Bring these specimens to my laboratory for further study.
  10. 10. You’d never be the type to get mad about a guys’ trip. This is said with a superior flick of the hair and an appropriately disgusted reaction to the account of his “psycho” ex and her objections to his quarterly jaunts to Vegas, Moscow, and Iceland. Frankly it sounds as if she didn’t just fall out of the coconut tree. And neither did you.