A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A YELP ELITE: A CAUTIONARY TALE.

  1. I'm one of those people that writes Yelp reviews
  2. And if you write enough of them you can apply and/or be nominated for elite status
  3. I have that shit
  4. The main perk of this, besides the little banner signifying to the world your status is getting to go to cool events for free
  5. You get an email at the beginning of the month with that month's events (or end of the month with the next month's events)
  6. Then you RSVP
  7. Then you wait
  8. And sometimes you get notified that you're going to be able to attend
  9. So you Truffle Shuffle with joy!
  10. Just look at this freakin' menu: 3 courses plus dessert!
  11. And then you go to the thing
  12. And you eat
    Street Corn- With lemon aioli, tajin, and cotija cheese
  13. And drink
    A bronco! Made with whiskey, ginger, watermelon, lemon and soda
  14. And eat some more
    Empanadas- Stuffed with tomatillo braised chicken and Oaxaca cheese, topped with crema and cotija cheese
  15. And more
    Asada Tacos- House marinated skirt steak with tomatillo sauce and fried shallots. Col Rizada y Coliflor Tacos- Roasted kale & cauliflower with white bean puree and topped with caper aioli
  16. And you eat some stuff you forget to even take pictures of
    Which is a big no-no in the Yelp community
  17. And just when you feel so full you might explode
  18. You eat dessert
    Dulce de Leche Churros- Coated with cinnamon and sugar, with strawberries and dulce dipping sauce
  19. Then you leave a nice tip for the server and bartender
  20. And waddle to your car
  21. And start the drive home
  22. By the time you're on the freeway you'll realize something
  23. You over indulged
  24. And you really shouldn't have
  25. Because now that food baby is going to take its revenge before you even make it home
  26. And if you survive this, you'll still be changed forever
  27. Overeat with caution, kids. It could kill you. And never overeat and drive.