I'm turning thirty in August and I'm thrisising hard so I've been reflecting on life, but mainly on how fucking cute I was as a kid like a real narcissist.
  1. 1986: uneventful. Just born.
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  2. Learned to walk in '87
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  3. '88: baby bro and I started coordinating outfits
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  4. We got into some real shit in '89
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  5. 1990: this lil dummy was born and other bro and I tried to kill him: look at me trying to squeeze him to death
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  6. '91: girlie got a boyfriend
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    Update: he's now married and has a son
  7. Cat lady status started in '92
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    Update: the cat died a few years ago
  8. 1993: Disney and overalls
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  9. Bangs and patterns in '94
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  10. 1995: British bitch status
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    Living in the UK for a few years
  11. More patterns and my first (and last) wet t shirt contest in '96
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  12. 1997: coordinating with the littlest sib
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  13. '98 got a pug
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    Life was complete and I was only 12
  14. A growth spurt left me towering over everyone in 1999
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    This did not please me
  15. Y2K y not get more dogs
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  16. '01 became a model
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    J/K, but I did discover makeup and photoshop
  17. 2002: chopped the locks, discovered sweatpants are the best pants
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  18. 2003: 1st jobs and 1st loves
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    It was at a Friendly's, and his name was the fribble
  19. Graduated from HS in 2004
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  20. 2005: cape cod vacations with this dope
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  21. 2006: more idiocy of the sisters esplin
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  22. 2007: turned 21
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    Self explanatory
  23. 2008: college grad
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  24. 09': started that MFA
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    Must Find Alcohol
  25. '10: chopped the locks again
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  26. '11: graduated from grad school
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  27. First year in LA in 2012
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  28. 2013: illegally picked fruit from Huntington gardens
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  29. 2014: worked on the best show ever with the best crew: really lived my ideal hollywood experience.
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    Probably could've died happy that year
  30. 2015: staycationed with this nerd in LA
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  31. 2016: partied like it was 2007 in San Diego, learned to ride a bike, left the oppressive workplace i'd called mine for the last 3 yrs, kissed a guy at a party. This year is looking okay so far 😎
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  32. 30 here I come!