AWARDS RANKED

Ones I've won.
  1. 4.
    A certificate for coming runner up in a playwriting contest
    There were two playwrights in my grad school program: you do the math.
  2. 3.
    A ribbon for winning the DARE drawing contest when I was in the first grade
    I drew some dinosaurs in crayon and had the slogan "don't become extinct. Don't do drugs!" The teachers thought I was a genius because I correctly spelt extinct.
  3. 2.
    A plaque and a year's supply of cheese for coming runner up in the cheesiest couple contest at the National Buffalo Wing festival in 2010
    The best part was that by all accounts we were not a cheesy couple; we didn't do anything overtly cute or cuddly. Friends even openly doubted us-- wait, actually the free cheese was the best part. Obviously.
  4. 1.
    A sculpture of my cat for winning a pet costume contest
    That's right, my most cherished award was actually won by my cat. She still hates me for putting her in the hat.