FEELINGS ABOUT THE COMPANY HOLIDAY PARTY BY YEAR

The party (my fourth) is tonight, and the countdown to it has caused me to reflect on years past.
  1. Year One: Excitement
    I had been interning at the company for all of three weeks and I was still invited! I felt included, a part of something, and goddamn special. I felt like I'd finally found my people, and my place in LA.
  2. Year Two: Distraction
    I was in the midst of breaking up with the man I'd been dating for six years, the guy I moved to LA with, and someone I considered my partner. The open bar, friends, and general chaos were a welcome relief from the reality at home.
  3. Year Three: Indifference
    I probably wouldn't have even gone if it wasn't for the new guy I was dating really wanting to meet the people I worked with and see the space. It was fine but not as pleasurable as in years past, and we left after about two hours at which point he told me he didn't even have a good time. We're not together anymore.
  4. Year Four: Dread
    This past year I was sexually harassed at work and nothing came of it. I've felt consistently under appreciated as have a few of my dearest friends, most of whom have left or are in the process of leaving. I've lost a lot of respect for the people that run the company. I'm not looking forward to forced interactions with people I don't care for. I still hang out with the friends I've made there, and they're encouraging me to go because they'll be there but I really don't want to.