Last Night @ The Gong Show

That's right, in 2016
  1. 40 years after the original The Gong Show hosted by Chuck Barris aired on NBC
  2. I went to a dumpy converted warehouse in Los Angeles and watched an amature version
  3. Talents included:
  4. A guy singing Enya's "Only Time" as photos of his ex-boyfriends were projected onto a wall
  5. My friend Sasha singing a Billy Idol Cover
  6. A person in a blue costume made of duct tape fighting a person in a yellow costume made of duct tape
  7. A woman in a whale costume singing "Mister Lonely" then realizing she was just a severed whale head on a beach
  8. A guy with a whip
  9. A guy in a mask smashing a sculpture while a recording of someone reading allegory of the cave played
  10. Some woman with a therapy dog
  11. Way too many stand ups
    And boy did they get low scores. The lowest of all performers, in fact (the art crowd and the comedy crowd are populated with very different people and these doofs should've known better)
  12. A woman pole dancing but with a fake ass and fake boobs over the black body suit she was wearing
  13. A person in a mask smoking a cigarette
  14. A woman in a bee costume dancing and talking about dating apps then removing her underwear for no apparent reason beyond shock value
  15. A guy telling everyone "you're going to all die tonight"
    He was wrong. Also possibly legitimately insane
  16. A woman licking her own nipple
  17. Some jackass playing a recording of one of the times Kanye West proclaimed that he's a genius while he sprayed the crowd with Four Loko
  18. But the most horrifying part of the evening was when I parked and saw a guy pull out his dick and piss on a tree near my car while staring at me.
    It cannot be unseen or forgotten