MY TOP 5 EXCUSES FOR GETTING OUT OF ANY SOCIAL INTERACTION

Alternate title for when this is a book: "The Introvert's Survival Guide," or "Leave Me Alone! I Still Love You, But Let's Just Text, Okay?" or "Chronicles From The Fart Fortress"
  1. 1.
    I have to work late/early/unexpectedly
    I pick whichever best suits the time at which I was invited out by my friend/co-worker/family member/(insert relationship here)
  2. 2.
    Darn! I already have plans with ______ but thanks for the invite! Next time for sure!
    I insert a name the person has heard before but not someone they're likely to run into/know well enough to ask how our outing was the next time they see them. I hope "next time" never comes. It's always a false promise. But I am sincerely thankful for the invite. That part is real.
  3. 3.
    I need to feed my cat, she's on that medicated diet so it's a time sensitive thing otherwise I would.
    My cat can eat whenever. That little shit never eats right when I feed her anyway.
  4. 4.
    I'm not feeling so hot. I think I need to just go home and rest. It must've been that burrito I had at lunch. Oomf
    And binge watch OITNB while scarfing a pizza in my fortress of solitude!
  5. 5.
    I actually have a date that night/day/morning.
    This is the least believable, and only reserved for hopeless romantics. Those schmucks will believe anything.