OHHH HIIIIIII OJAI, I'M SO GLAD WE DIDN'T DIE

Four friends, one camping trip, several signs of danger
  1. Two of the four of our group arrived at the campground around 2pm
  2. Immediately the hosts, an elderly couple that smoked way too many cigarettes in their youth, and got a few too many sunburns, told us that there was an issue with our site
  3. Children
  4. Lots of children
  5. Few things are as terrifying when you're looking to get drunk in the woods with your friends and dabble in recreational drug use
  6. Thankfully, the hosts took to us and offered to let us pick a different site
  7. But only if we would go to our original spot, site 55, shake our heads, and claim how unacceptable the children were being
  8. How dare they play on our trees?!
  9. And leave a frisbee on our picnic table?!
  10. Little assholes
  11. Naturally we obliged
  12. Then we began location scouting the other sites
  13. After looking at each we decided that 40 best suited our needs: it was isolated, near a creek, and had plenty of rocks for sitting on
  14. We claimed it then scarfed some sammies
  15. And then tried to go into town
  16. But
  17. We turned left out of the campground
  18. And we should've turned right
  19. The drive to the left took us through a beautiful hillside covered in yellow flowers
  20. Past gigantic pines
  21. And into a canyon of red rocks
  22. And right out of Los Padres Forest
  23. 30 miles from our campsite
  24. And nowhere near the town
  25. And somehow we didn't notice
  26. But growling stomachs prompted a turn
  27. And we started heading back
  28. When the gas light came on
  29. And we were still 25 miles from camp with no cell service
  30. We were fucked
  31. But there was nothing to do but keep driving
  32. So we did and the gas light went off
  33. And we thought we'd be fine
  34. Until it came on again
  35. And we were back in fuck-ville
  36. Time passed and the light stayed on
  37. But somehow we managed to make it back to the campsite
  38. And escape being stranded amongst some beautiful scenery in the middle of nowhere along a road our friends wouldn't drive
  39. We didn't die
  40. But after getting back to the site we noticed that our friends still weren't there
  41. And it was starting to get dark
  42. And we were out of food
  43. And fire lighting implements
  44. And a tent
  45. We swore we'd give them til 7:30 before we were pissed
  46. And ready to throat punch them
  47. Possibly even eye stab them
  48. Then they arrived at 7:11
  49. And didn't die
  50. It was getting darker, but we managed to set up the tent
  51. And grill some veggie burgers
  52. And crack a beer/five
  53. Then we started telling the tale of yellow eyes: the ghost that haunts the woods and kills those he encounters
  54. And the 3000 bullfrogs around us went silent
  55. So we decided to sleep
  56. And hide from the yellow eyed daemon
  57. After a few fitful dreams I awoke around 3am to see the tent empty
  58. My friends were gone
  59. I was alone and spooked
  60. Then I heard it
  61. Scuffling
  62. Shuffling
  63. And shrieking
  64. I grabbed the flashlight (ready to use it to bludgeon anything I might encounter)
  65. Then I slowly unzipped the tent
  66. And saw something I never thought I would
  67. My fucking friends sitting around and drinking without me
  68. Blinded by rage I attempted to rush towards them and teach them a lesson
  69. But instead
  70. I tripped out of the tent and nearly knocked my damn head on a huge rock
  71. But, fortunately, I didn't die
  72. And I didn't kill any of my buds
  73. We survived Ojai
  74. And didn't die