I'm new to this, but seriously, dudes, what's with the photos of:
  1. You with a fish
    Oh you caught that? Is this some primal man shit? I don't get it. Why are you holding that thing? Do you also know how to clean and cook that because then I'm somewhat interested. Or if you can just cook. How about a photo of you cooking instead?
  2. You with some women, but their faces are blurred, or cropped
    Is that a ghost?! Are you in a horror movie?! WHY IS HER FACE BLURRED?!?!?!? Am I supposed to think those aren't women? Why did you include that photo, but blur their faces, now I can't assume they're your sisters/cousins/moms.
  3. You as a child
    I ain't no pedophile, I like to date grown men, I don't understand. Is it so I'll be more inclined to want to mix DNA with you? Is that what our baby would look like?
  4. You on a mountain
    Did you climb that? Am I to understand you can hike? Is this for perspective to show how tall you are? You're taller than the mountain you're standing on. Okay... But... I mean, you know I know you're not. Unless you're a giant. Are you?
  5. You with your bros
    So.... You have friends. That's nice. The one on the far right is more handsome than you though and now I know that so... I'm going to befriend you as a means of getting to him now. See what you did? You let me window shop and now I want that one!
  6. You taking a selfie in a mirror
    Nice phone! Is that a 6 Plus?! Holy shit bits! You must be loaded! That's what I'm supposed to understand here, right? And that we can iMessage if this goes well. Nice. I like it. And I automatically like you because you like yourself enough to take photos of yourself and capture your true essence: your iPhone.
  7. You with children
    Oh you like kids? You have kids? You're friends with kids? ............You're a teacher? A tutor? A mentor? They're your nieces/nephews? Grandkids? You found them on the street and paid them to pose with you for this profile photo? You... Goddammit, you're kinda just creepy. I can't. ✌️