REASONS WHY I'M NOT GOOD AT BEING A BIG SISTER

I'm the oldest of 4. Based on birth order I'm supposed to do a bunch of stuff, and pave the way. No one told me this, otherwise I would've opted to go second.
  1. I don't know how to ride a bike.
    Sorry, sibs! You're going to have to learn from your friends' older brothers/sisters.
  2. 401K is just three numbers and a letter to me.
    I feel like adults are supposed to have these. But I haven't even looked into the specifics of what exactly this is.
  3. My younger sister had to teach me how to use eyeliner.
    Guess I just never really cared that much about it. She sent me a tutorial that she made: I still have trouble with it.
  4. I forget birthdays
    Okay, there are 6 people in my immediate family including my parents: I'm going to forget a birthday, or three. Can someone just sign my name to the card?
  5. I never got a "real job"
    Oopsie! In fact, current job status: unemployed. I'm not good at setting a good example.
  6. I don't call home.
    I prefer email/texting. I swear I'll respond, just it'll be when I feel like it.
  7. 90% of the meals I "make" are pre-made and re-heatable
    Maybe I'm not a bad big sister: I'm just a good 35-year-old-divorcee-brother-who-lives-in-mom's-basement in the body of a borderline-homeless-28-year-old-would-be-artistic-oldest-sister.