I went to both within 24 hours. I've never come closer to going on a murder spree.
  1. Both have rude/miserable employees, but your interactions with those at the DMV are usually longer.
    DMV - 1 LAX - 0
  2. Both have lines, but LAX requires you to go through a metal detector and remove your shoes. So inconvenient.
    DMV - 1 LAX - 1
  3. Your wait time to getting the fuck out of each is long. At LAX, you're leaving the whole fucking city behind and you don't have to operate the vehicle taking you away from your rage (and risk road rage related accidents/manslaughter) so it's marginally better.
    DMV - 2 LAX - 1
  4. But you might have to sit next to a morbidly obese, or smelly, or talkative, or sleeping human. Or worse, a baby.
    DMV - 2 LAX - 2
  5. They're doing construction at LAX. Even at 5am.......
    DMV - 2 LAX - 3
  6. Bathrooms at both are akin to the porto potties you'd see on the fourth day of a music festival.
    It's a tie. No point awarded.
  7. Neither lets you bring in a beverage. LAX does this for safety's sake, but then it has no water fountains so it forces you to buy an overpriced bottle of water... Terrible. But the DMV folks are just being controlling asshats. Fuck you, DMV! Why can't I bring in a goddamn water?!?!?! Just because!
    DMV - 3 LAX - 3
  8. Both leave you tired, angry, wanting to kill people, but the DMV leaves you with a photo reminder of your terrible experience that you have to carry around for 5 years. (Can you see how my eyes are dead in this pic? Oh, and that's me smiling as big as I could muster after the DMV ordeal)
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    DMV - 4 LAX - 3
  9. The DMV is the worst fucking place on the planet. Can we hurry up and get to the future where there're just microchips imbedded in our flesh that identify us, and have our registration information on them? THE DMV MUST DIE