IN AN EMERGENCY

  1. Instagram first. Pics or it didn't happen.
  2. Tweet it. Tip: the tragedy is only a setup. Add a punchline!
  3. Check in on Facebook. This is the quickest way to let your loved ones know you are in danger.
  4. Remind yourself that you're one of 7 billion people and will be forgotten about in a month.
  5. Locate emergency supplies and attempt to save yourself, time permitting.