WAYS I KNOW I AM NOT A VAMPIRE

this list is the result of an uneventful Metro North train ride & im sorry
  1. Put garlic on literally everything
  2. Function best in the daytime
    Only successfully nocturnal when alcohol is involved
  3. Not a big fan of capes
    Probably specific to Dracula and/or The Count from Sesame Street but
  4. A little more yellow-y than pale
  5. Blood is a little too salty for my taste