THINGS THAT ARE DIFFERENT NOW THAT I'M A MOM

  1. My modesty level has bottomed out
    When that many people see what you've been so diligently covering up for so long it's hard to not just chill out a little bit. I used to like not even change in front of my sisters and now my boob is just kinda left out while we're talking after I've fed baby and that's a totally normal thing.
  2. I can't remember the last time I shaved my legs
    And I don't really care
  3. Sleep is like a luxury but it's totally ok
    Yeah yeah you sleep less, but it's so fricken worth it. I feel like other parents were like trying to haze me or something when I was pregnant by making the lack of sleep sound so devastating.
  4. I get super pissed when dogs bark
    Wakes the baby every time. Never really noticed so much before.
  5. I'm an avid online shopper
    Who needs to go out when you can order diapers and Amazon will have them to your door in 48 hours
  6. I'm a self proclaimed professional baby photographer
    I must take 50 photos a day and yep, I'm gonna keep them all.
  7. I have to make awkward small talk with waiters who relate to me
    This sounds mean but it's that weird exchange of like "Oh you're baby's so cute I have a little one at home" "Awe thank you! That's so sweet" and then there's an awkward pause. Like... Do I ask for details about your kids? Is it ok if I just give you my drink order instead? I'm kind of stuck here.
  8. I know theme songs to kid shows
    And yeah I totally sing them when the show comes on
  9. I sway and rock even when I'm not holding baby
    Looks a liiiiitle psycho. Happens out of habit I guess?
  10. I've got some sort of baby fluid on me pretty much at all time
    Breast milk, pee, poop, vomit, drool, lotion, you name it. It all rules.
  11. When baby cries I'm like a ninja
    I didn't even know I could jump up and run that fast until I heard baby cry once in the other room and all of the sudden I was up and gone!
  12. I struggle with weird decisions
    For example, do I count my baby's age in weeks or months?