My Job, In One Sentence

  1. Helping small business owners and their employees adapt to change to make even more money.
    Suggested by   @andersun
  2. Teaching is easy, like riding a bike, if the bike is on fire and you're on fire and everything is on fire
    Okay that's a run on but come on...allow it!
    Suggested by   @karlalucia
  3. That is pee on the leg of my shorts, but it's not my pee.
    Suggested by   @pili_ervin
  4. It's never enough.
    Suggested by   @Jaycer17
  5. Keeping rich people happy 🙄
    Suggested by   @ErinFlaherty
  6. Desperately seeking world peace through dialogue, diplomacy and respect for all! 🕊
    Suggested by   @Diplomatic_diva
  7. Doing my best to influence two other humans to become the best versions of themselves: gentle, generous, truthful, kind, and brave.
    Suggested by   @alligeeshow
  8. Decade old broadcast television equipment is temperamental
    Suggested by   @poweronyourvcr
  9. There are 24 small people screaming and/or crying, and I only have two hands
    Suggested by   @allisonlantagne
  10. I get shit done.
    Suggested by   @elmospimpingme
  11. "How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child!"
    Half-kidding 😬
    Suggested by   @dreadpiratemama
  12. Helping people who can barely get out of their homes to be stronger, safer, and more independent.
    Suggested by   @pathb
  13. Helping people who are paid more than me do things better, hopefully
    Suggested by   @maggieannre
  14. Jewish vampire slayer
    Suggested by   @jakebrandman
  15. Trapped in a fishbowl with chocolates that I'm not allowed to eat (but do anyway)
    Suggested by   @alanarogerrrrs
  16. I recently googled "what did pirates eat" for work purposes.
    Suggested by   @jenna
  17. Making sure you still have teeth when you die, even though you neglect them and deserve to eat milk toast when you're old😬🙄
    Suggested by   @cvlop61
  18. Assisting individuals who are either over privileged and flaunt it (give me a sock for my mouth), under privileged, or are middle of the road.
    Suggested by   @pointofnoreturn
  19. Helping rich people legally bequeath their assets to mostly ungrateful children while avoiding probate.
    Suggested by   @angela3950
  20. Inhale Ctrl + C exhale Ctrl + P repeat.
    Suggested by   @elooto
  21. Turning ugly things into pretty things.
    Suggested by   @designordie
  22. I basically just quit a lot.
    Suggested by   @jeremysomething
  23. Branding and marketing by day; stand-up comedy by night.
    Suggested by   @mallofamanda
  24. Selling crap no one really needs.
    Suggested by   @kiraandlulu
  25. I solve minor problems until they amount to a something that passes for a major project.
    Suggested by   @poewar
  26. Understand all there is to know about the mind, thought and behaviour.
    Suggested by   @jessknuckey
  27. Helping a business with 85% market share get to 86%.
    Suggested by   @MichaelRose
  28. I make grapes rot elegantly.
    Suggested by   @lucas
  29. All paper work, all day.
    Suggested by   @gayla
  30. I'm a family law paralegal stuck in the body of a corporate contracts administrator because family is fucking sad as hell.
    Suggested by   @erinj79
  31. I feed, clean, and care for small humans while teaching them how not to become awful big humans.
    Suggested by   @hillary79
  32. Reading information, remembering it and writing it down.
    Suggested by   @shadowman
  33. I make federal sentencing data and policy digestible for the public.
    Suggested by   @LizDawson
  34. I enhance attorneys' digital presence through social media, thought leadership, and podcasts.
    Suggested by   @macnchz
  35. I use the fast typing skills I acquired in middle school from AOL Instant Messenger to help writers make TV.
    Suggested by   @RachelP
  36. I repress major parts of my autonomy and engage even more important parts in an effort to feel feels for things that aren't real
    Suggested by   @Debby
  37. I spend my days trying to teach people way older than me that everyone should put their own damn paper in the printer and making engineers seem smarter.
    Suggested by   @leila92
  38. I work with victims of sociopaths to take their next steps towards a new beautiful life.
    Suggested by   @GavMaLav
  39. They have an album release and I have a digital strategy for it. I also make artists' socials look pretty 24/7.
    Suggested by   @saracerutti
  40. Saying things to my 87 year old mother, who refuses to get a hearing aid, and then repeating, and REPEATING, AND REPEATING with hand gestures until she yells at me, " Why are you yelling?"
    Suggested by   @curlygirl
  41. I teach people how to not drive cars.
    Suggested by   @michellejennifer
  42. I spend my day deciphering words. In more ways than one.
    Suggested by   @ilovelucy
  43. i take stuff that's accessible to a few people, and then i make it accessible to everyone, via the internet.
    Suggested by   @megbarrett