Pitches For The "Love Actually" Sequel

We hear you're making a sequel of sorts for Red Nose Day, @richardcurtis — might we suggest the following:
  1. After his triumphant comeback, Billy Mack becomes a rude, foul mouthed judge on "Britain's Got Talent." He's most cruel to young rocker contestant — does he feel threatened?
    At the climax of the film, just as the contestant has learned they lost, Billy Mack reveals on live TV that he's in love with them. He leaps over his desk and they embrace. Quick pan to Piers Morgan with a snarky comment then roll credits.
    Suggested by   @Nicholas
  2. Piers Morgan is a major character in the movie.
    After he gets rabies from a rat bite he falls in love with a file clerk he meets at the hospital and spends the film trying to impress her by dropping stories about his 'celebrity apprentice' success. At the end he finishes his series of rabies vaccine injections, she reject him, and he's bitten by another rat and decides not to get this one treated as seeing her again would be too painful. He goes rabid and at the end of the film is shot by police while trying to attack kids on the street
    Suggested by   @tombatten
  3. The prime minister resigned in disgrace after a sex scandal. He now has a talk show and fights with JK Rowling on Twitter. Harry resigned from his job in disgrace after a sexual harassment allegation. He and Karen are divorced, and she is working as an aide to Natalie, who's an MP. We follow their fight to pass a bill to protect stalking victims.
    Sarah has long since gotten over her martyr shit and has been married to Karl for 10 years. Jamie is staying with them; his fifth marriage just ended. Sarah suggests he stop marrying people he's never had a conversation with. Uh oh, Sam is arrested for stalking! Juliet, who has experience with stalkers, is his court-appointed therapist. In the final scene Natalie's bill passes. She goes to punch her fist in the air like in the Breakfast Club and accidentally hits Jamie in the face. The End.
    Suggested by   @Equivokate
  4. Liam Neeson & Rowan Atkinson end up together.
    After confronting the jewelry salesman about her cheating husband, Emma Thompson befriends Rowan and decides to introduce him to Liam. Liam having had a moment with Rowan at the airport realizes this is what he always wanted.
    Suggested by   @Jordan_Elizabeth
  5. About Christmastime, Actually
    I already pitched this in one of my lists (Ideas For Holiday Movie Titles and How I Would Pitch Them to An Executive) but now I'll flesh it out a little: Some of the characters somehow attain the power to squinch up their faces and go back in time. Andrew Lincoln goes back in time and woos Kiera Knightley. Alan Rickman goes back in time and resists what's-her-whore's charms. Liam Neeson rescues his wife in a Taken-meets-Doctor-Who plot line that could probably just be the whole movie.
    Suggested by   @jenna