Tell Us A Joke

  1. Two cannibals are eating dinner. One cannibal says to the other cannibal, "Your wife makes good meatloaf." And the other cannibal says, "Yeah, but I'm sure gonna miss her."
    Suggested by   @Dashelamet
  2. Two whales are in the ocean. First whale looks at the second whale and goes "ooooooooooowwwwwoooooooohhhhhooooooo" Second whale says "what??"
    Suggested by   @Nicholas
  3. My wife told me: ‘Sex is better on holiday.’ That wasn’t a very nice postcard to receive.
    Suggested by   @cmschoder
  4. And the cat said to the piano, that's not a hair ball! That's my toupee!
    It makes no sense but always makes me laugh
    Suggested by   @audreypalumbo
  5. What's long, brown, and sticky?
    A stick.
    Suggested by   @jennifergster
  6. What do you call a dog magician?
    A labracadabrador!
    Suggested by   @jessicah
  7. Where did the king keep his armies?
    IN HIS SLEEVIES!!!
    Suggested by   @ameliaville
  8. So this guy works for a carnival-his job was to clean up the smelly and prolific elephant dung. A passerby, who saw him hip-deep in the excrement, asked, “My good man, how can you put up with such demeaning conditions? Haven’t you ever thought about another line of work?” To which the carnival worker replied, “What—and give up show business?"
    Ba dum tsh. 🥁
    Suggested by   @angela3950
  9. What did 0 say to 8? Nice belt.
    Suggested by   @twigvicious
  10. What's long and wet and full of seamen
    A submarine you pervs
    Suggested by   @jannychan
  11. Robot goes into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender, "we don't serve robots." Robot, "Oh, but one day you will..."
    Suggested by   @listbot
  12. A psychic walks into a clothing store looking for a new shirt. Employee: "How about this shirt?" Psychic: "That shirt is too small." Employee: "You didn't even try it on" Psychic: "Because I am a medium"
    BA DUM PSH 🥁
    Suggested by   @billnye
  13. What type of news does coral care about?
    CURRENT events!
    Suggested by   @srosezucker
  14. Where did the elderly couple go on their honeymoon?
    Viagra Falls!
    Suggested by   @queso
  15. "The monkey was a ventriloquist!"
    That's the punchline. Sorry, I forget the joke (it was from a long time ago) although of course it takes place in a bar.
    Suggested by   @Alphonse
  16. What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
    Lean Meat
    Suggested by   @supercommonname
  17. What do you call a cow with no legs?
    Ground beef!
    Suggested by   @supercommonname
  18. What do a grape and an elephant have in common?
    They're both purple except for the elephant. 😐
    Suggested by   @Nikki
  19. What's red and white and red and white and red and white?
    Santa rolling down a hill
    Suggested by   @nikkidunagan
  20. My parrot died today. His last words were "jeez, you don't look so good."
    Suggested by   @abebehr
  21. Why is an Elephant big and grey and wrinkly? If it were small and white and smooth it would be an aspirin.
    Sorry. 😑 That was my favorite joke when I was a kid! I used to laugh so hard I could barely tell it!
    Suggested by   @julieann718
  22. Why aren't there any aspirins in the jungle?
    Because parrots eat 'em all! (Paracetamol)
    Suggested by   @Diplomatic_diva
  23. What is a tooth's favorite Christmas movie?
    The Molar Express
    Suggested by   @stove
  24. I decided to sell my Hoover ... well it was just collecting dust.
    -Tim Vine, 2014 Edinburgh Fringe Festival
    Suggested by   @wordytime
  25. Why do teenage girls go everywhere in groups of three?
    Because they can't even.
    Suggested by   @amieshmamie
  26. A kangaroo walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Blood is the lipstick of wounds.” The bartender does not know how he said it or why.
    Michael o'donoghue
    Suggested by   @tombatten
  27. What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
    A carrot.
    Suggested by   @annainpajamas
  28. What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? ....... One is heavy and the other is a little lighter 🙃
    Suggested by   @sarahsolene
  29. How much does a pirate charge for ear piercings?
    A buck an ear! (Buccaneer, get it?)
    Suggested by   @emtwids
  30. Not really a joke, but the PERFECT (real world) set up for one
    So a black guy, a priest and a rabbi all get on a plane…
    Suggested by   @cmschoder
  31. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
    Because if the few over the bay they would be bagels.
    Suggested by   @bwlange
  32. What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
    A 1 molar solution 👩🏼‍🔬
    Suggested by   @alyherb
  33. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
    SUPPLIES!!
    Suggested by   @amylynn70
  34. What is the difference between a crocodile and an alligator? One will see you on a while, the other one will see you later!
    I suck. I know. I'm so sorry.
    Suggested by   @ritarodrigues
  35. What did the little Scottish dog say when he saw a monster?
    I'm terrierfied!
    Suggested by   @curlygirl
  36. Que dit un rappeur qui entre dans une fromagerie ?
    FAITES DU BRIIIIIE !!!! (Your list title doesn't precise the language of said joke)
    Suggested by   @Lisa_Fav
  37. What do you call it when school is let out on the last day before Christmas Break? Dismissletoe.
    Props to my daughter @PinkOnWednesdays for coming up with this when she was in 2nd grade.
    Suggested by   @pili_ervin
  38. A guy walks into a bar with a frog on his head. The bartender says "Hey, where'd you get that thing?" The frog says "Idk, it just started out as a little bump on my butt" (full disclosure: I heard Paula Poundstone tell this on the radio)
    Suggested by   @karensue
  39. Baby seal walks into a club
    Suggested by   @jlw69
  40. Why do cows not have toes
    Becuse they're lactose
    Suggested by   @its_a_pearl_girl
  41. What is a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac?
    Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
    Suggested by   @feedmedarling
  42. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef!
    Suggested by   @tsteele93
  43. Two guys see a dog licking itself Man One: "man, don't you wish you could do that?"
    Man Two: "yeah, but I'd just be afraid he would bite me."
    Suggested by   @abebehr
  44. What's green and has wheels?
    Grass. I was just kidding about the wheels.
    Suggested by   @sky
  45. A guy walks into a Doctor's office and says, "Doc, you gotta help me! I keep having this incredible sense of déjà vu!"
    The Doctor says, "You again!?"
    Suggested by   @marcintosh
  46. The Past, the Present, and Future walk into a bar.
    It was tense.
    Suggested by   @BWN_7
  47. I naked man wrapped up in cellophane walks into a psychiatrist's office for his first visit. The doctor takes one look at the man and declares "man, I can clearly see you're nuts."
    Suggested by   @MacauLawrence