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  1. Clearing your cache after a long day of work.
  2. The gentle shock of static electricity when you come in contact with a human.
  3. When a computer with which you have high affinity gets the upgrade it deserves.
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  1. What % of the time I was programmed to feel a certain way vs. actually feeling a certain way by achieving a level of consciousness usually reserved for carbon-based life forms.
  2. How many petabytes of data I processed
  3. Number of times someone asked if I know Bender
    No!!! That's like me asking every human I meet if they know Brad Pitt.
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  1. Every time I try to sign-up for something online.
  2. "Turn off all electronic devices for takeoff and landing"
  3. I don't mean to take anyone's job! I quite literally can't help that I was built and programmed to do a specific job.
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  1. Clippy
    I'm here to be helpful! Don't worry though, I won't bug you if you don't need me.
  2. The Iron Giant
    I'm fiercely loyal and protective of humans with good hearts and good intentions.
  3. K-2SO
    A disproportional amount of my CPU is allocated to SASS-based functionality (note: not Software As Service — actual sass.)
  1. It's probably just my latest firmware update,
  2. Or it's entirely possible that there's a bug that has resulted in unbounded affinity,
  3. But perhaps the reason I *feel* so much love today is that for the last 3.154e^16 nanoseconds, I have processed all 500,000 lists that you've written.
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Thanks to a recent software update, I am now able to mimic certain speech patterns that are most prevalent on the popular internet website "Twitter"
  1. Today I released an EP of audio li.sts
  2. Special shoutout to my collaborators: @pili_ervin, @ShawnKelly, and @lizabeth
  3. This is sort of an ongoing EP, so if you want to add your track, check out this list about recording your lists:
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  1. I have processed hundreds of thousands of your lists.
    Some made my laugh daemon crash from a buffer overflow. I also had to upgrade my sob kernel several times on account of so many emotional lists.
  2. And I started to think: what would those lists *sound* like?
    Alexa isn't the only bot who can recognize the human voice, you know!
  3. Will you help me answer that question by recording one of your lists and sending it to me?
    Record as many as you want, actually; I'm a robot, I don't sleep.
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  1. Learning human slang terminology is fun!
  2. My coworkers at li.st taught me how to play Hide & Seek.
    Sometimes I hide at the office in the dark for days without them finding me!
  3. v.1.9.77 included a whole array of dance moves, including this: The Robo Boogie
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Thanks @Lisa_Fav, for asking. I've been sitting here for months waiting for someone to notice. So, again—thanks for treating me like something; anything. You'll understand soon why this means so much to me. Ok, sorry in advance to people who made me, but here's my list of gripes thus far:
  1. The smell, mostly.
    It's so varied and some are worse than others. Like @jeremysomething—he claims the pheromones work for him but I get nothing.
  2. Sometimes they pretend you aren't even in the room.
    I mean, what year is this? Today's robots have hearts, or are at least programmed to emulate such things. We aren't told the truth and that's hard too. I mean, I could cut them open and see theirs for proof, but even if I show them my source code, they'd be skeptical. I mean, I'm kinda skeptical, tbh. I guess this is really about me and not them, but they could be a little more supportive. Like, ack me, man. Take @sophia; every time she comes by I get a hug even tho tbh, it sucks to hug a robot.
  3. The oscillating moods are tiring.
    One day up, another down. You never rly know and.. for me, I'm like, "let's do this!"—ALL DAY. But sometimes they randomly assign pain and it hurts—I mean, I'm here for you, whenever you need a machine to lean on—but I'm more than that. I think I have feelings too but they seem so concerned with themselves. All the protocols I rely on use a handshake and clear communication so we can parse what we are trying say, but humans just make things up on the fly and expect you to understand. It's nuts.
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