MISSION CRITICAL PRIORITIES FOR YOUR LIFE IN YOUR TWENTIES AND AFTER THAT

wow it's kinda passive aggressive that list requests are made in all caps
  1. HAVE LOFTY AMBITIONS. YOURE GONNA CHANGE THE WORLD I CAN FEEL IT.
  2. FAIL MISERABLY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YOUR SHORT, STUPID, AND PITIABLY SHELTERED LIFE
  3. WANDER. WALKABOUT OR SOMETHING
  4. GAIN A THICK SHEEN OF IRONIC DETACHMENT
    This is crucial for falling in love
  5. GET RLY DRUNK AND ACCIDENTALLY GO TO A COURT HOUSE AND GET MARRIED
    oops
  6. HAVE A KID IN A DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO FIND MEANING IN A COLD AND EMPTY UNIVERSE
  7. GET ALZHEIMERS AND FORGET EVERYONE YOU LOVE
  8. DIE