A Fait/harvey Christmas

  1. There are only five humans.
  2. There are three dogs. One of them is the size of a mature female polar bear.
  3. Nanny converses about the lack of "black people" in Marshfield since the 1960s. Mom asks, "how do you know that? Are you the town census?" Nanny says, "huh, good point."
  4. Cousin Zachary brings us aloe plants. I smuggle one to my room before anyone has time to notice. Aloe is a super chill plant.
  5. Sam the dog keeps sniffing scout the dogs ass.
  6. I show Zachary an ancient "worry stone" that I found on the beach. We conclude it must be from a sea captain and went down in a wreck. Dad says, "or it could be just a damn rock". He's a fucking hater.
  7. Dad sweats profusely as he eats his turkey dinner.
  8. Neighbor-Abor Paul lets his daughter Mimi drive down our dirt road. She is 13 and goes a steady 13 mph.
  9. Nanny calls Native Americans "Indians". Zack and I exchange looks.
  10. Mom shows us some magnets she's made out of "plastic mammal skulls" and Cuban jewelry. We all say, "looks cool, mom".
  11. Nanny makes a few good jokes and then abruptly says, "it's time to go, Zachary." They leave.
  12. Cousin Nick face times me from New York and shows me the cleaver he got for XMASSSSS.
  13. Merry Christmas to all and to all a gnight.