"These are some hot takes. This is an A+ list."
  1. Hockey
    "My beef with hockey is you're squinting and turning your fucking neck the whole game like a prairie dog."
  2. Color contact lenses
    "Just lie about the color of your eyes like everyone else." (Me: "...What?")
  3. Suspenders
    "Don't bring your shoulders into the wearing pants equation."
  4. People who make lists with less than five points
    "Fuckin' finish what you start!"
  5. Lizards
    "Just in general."