LIFE LESSONS FROM AN ALCOHOLIC IN RECOVERY

  1. Coors Light does not make you a good cook. Not even a little bit.
  2. If you black in during a three way, try to leave as quietly and unobtrusively as possible. Can't find a sock? Leave it behind.
  3. It's Buffalo Wild Wings, not Buffalo Wild Whisky.
  4. Thanksgiving is not a drinking holiday. It's an "argue about the refugee situation and make passive aggressive comments about your cousin's sexuality" holiday.
  5. NyQuil is for nighttime. And for when you're actually sick.
  6. "Partying" is not drinking alone in bed while watching the entire series of The Office over and over and eating sunflower seeds for dinner.
  7. Checking your bank account in the morning doesn't need to be surprising.
  8. Your doctor knows when you're lying. "Three drinks a week" doesn't mean "I get totally shitfaced three or more days a week."
  9. Taking pride in your appearance improves your self image and esteem. Wearing the same Seahawks jersey for three days and hiding your gross hair in a hat during trips to the liquor store does not.
  10. Taking ibuprofen instead of acetaminophen because your liver can't handle the latter is a thing of the past.
  11. Do you love your loved ones? I mean really love them? Tell them wholeheartedly and not on a 2am voicemail during last call.
  12. On a serious note: asking for help does not mean you are weak or vulnerable. There is no shame in asking for assistance to begin the recovery process and achieve sobriety.