1. At 6 years old, the only food is cheese pizza.
  2. Old Man Marley is the Lebron of salting sidewalks.
  3. Everyone is a jerk in this movie.
  4. Jesus, what tax bracket do you have to be in to have more than four bar stools in your kitchen?
  5. If this was post 9/11, they totally would have missed that flight.
  6. Why is it that the first thing parents think an unattended child will do is turn on the stove? Prank calls HELLO
  7. Who the fuck has an actual toboggan?
  8. If I was Kevin's mom, I would totally relapse right now.
  9. Wet Bandit was the name of my first vibrator.
  10. There used to be a MACHINE to record your ANSWERS.
  11. Seriously though, the only Christmas movie better than Home Alone is Die Hard.
  12. One time I threw a fake party to trick burglars into thinking I had friends.
  13. Doesn't Buzz work in real estate or something now?
  14. Are cologne and aftershave the same thing? Either way, Kevin looks like he's using too much and that's probably why he's screaming.
  15. John Candy has been in a lot of airports.
  16. That church is way too fucking empty for Christmas Eve. Usually that shit is standing room only.
  17. Prayers for Stouffer's y'all.
  18. How is every burglar's weakness the dog door?
  19. THIS IS MY HOUSE AND I HAVE TO DEFEND IT...with toys and Christmas ornaments and paint cans and zip lines and spiders and cold water and tar!
  20. Does Joe Pesci smell like pine? I imagine him to smell like pine year round.
  21. Fuck Kevin you just destroyed a Le Creuset pot those are hella expensive.
  22. When your mom comes home ❤️