1. "Your pussy is straight up falling out of your skirt."
  2. "I mean if you were hiding in an attic to escape persecution and wrote really personal shit, wouldn't you be pissed to find out over 34 million people read it after you fucking died?"
  3. "Do you have a weird dad? Oh, so he's weird and rude." Guy's dad was in jail.
  4. "You look like you're never going to get married."
  5. "You're single?! But you're wearing an Affliction shirt!"
  6. "Are you legit drinking a glass of milk at a comedy show? Jesus I thought my hangover was bad."
  7. "Why so down, Chevy hat? You could have been sad at home."
  8. "Are you on the phone? You're ACTUALLY making a phone call during my set? Was texting not an option? Just fucking text like everyone else. Give me your phone. Hey, your friend is a total bitch for making a phone call during a live comedy show."