WHY IT DIDN'T WORK OUT WITH VARIOUS GUYS FROM TINDER

  1. His band was irredeemably awful, and he was the lead singer.
  2. He was 6'6" and I felt like a toddler standing next to him.
  3. His favorite place to hang out was the mall. Seriously. For real.
  4. He was 6'2 220lbs and got drunk after 1 beer, which he claims is because "clean eating really cut down on [his] tolerance."
    Also: the clean eating thing
  5. He made me drive him home when he was too stoned and only told me there was weed in the car after we got pulled over because his tags were expired.
  6. He took hypnotist classes.
  7. He talked in military time and only used cardinal directions (east, west, etc) so making plans with him was a nightmare.
  8. He told me I was a sucker for going to college. Meanwhile, he was an apprentice for an exterminator company.
  9. He ghosted me.
    🙃🙃🙃