10 THINGS YOU WILL HEAR IF YOU ARE FROM SAN FRANCISCO

  1. You're really from San Francisco? like actually from the City? like San Francisco, San Francisco?
    Yes. I did say San Francisco, right?
  2. Wow! I've never met anyone who's literally from San Francisco!
    Clearly.
  3. ....You're so lucky!!
    I know.
  4. But it's so cold here!
    I know. That's why we wear so many hoodies. Sorry no one told you before you came in July.
  5. What was it like growing up here? Were there startups everywhere?
    Nope. Just families. And men in ass-less chaps.
  6. Did you hang out on Haight St all the time??
    Well, I guess that is where we got our twomps. Otherwise, no.
  7. How do you still afford to live here?
    I live at my (friend's/boyfriend's/_____) parents' house.
  8. Wait, but do you ride cables cars to work & stuff?
    Nope
  9. Do you love burritos then?
    If you're asking, we're done here.
  10. Friend of questioner: Wait, where'd you go to high school?
    Oh hey! You're from here, too? [Conversation moves to secret SF native lair.]