Things I should be able to do as an adult, but can't...

In general, I'm pretty immature.
  1. Jump a car.
    As many times as I've been showed how, I think my brain refuses to retain the information... for my protection, and those around me.
  2. Change a tire.
    Pshhhhyeah.
  3. Build a goddamn fire
    Buying fire bricks is cheating, they say. F you, I say.
  4. Drive stick shift
    No thanks... Just too lazy to move that much while driving. It's not a backhoe.
  5. Balance a check book
    Yes, Beverly, I do need my paycheck a day early because I forgot I sent out a check for my car payment and NO I don't balance a checkbook.
  6. Iron clothes
    Can we just agree this is a thing of the past? The dryer obviously has a setting for this function.
  7. Dance. Like an adult.
    I still leave room for the Holy Ghost between me and my husband. Thank you catholic school dances with the lights on.