Brain Activity While RÉsumÉ-ing

  1. Who made this email address?
    This could not have been my idea...
  2. Wait, did I actually do that?
  3. I don't need employers to know about that part of my education. Or that. Or that.
    I should investigate my social media archives while I'm weeding. Will I get in legal trouble if I leave that out?
  4. HAHA I only worked there for five months, does that even count?
  5. Maybe I should hire someone to do this for me
  6. Wait I can't afford that
  7. Which is why I need a new job
  8. But I'll never get a job with this résumé
  9. Maybe I can borrow and alter the bro-ham's résumé.
    People would know. His résumé doesn't have any colors on it.
  10. Hm ok but should I not have colors on my résumé?
  11. I don't know.
  12. Lol wait I should tailor my résumé to the field I'm applying into
    That means more than one résumé. I can't even make one, how the hell will I make multiples?!
  13. Maybe I can ask Daddy to do this for me.
    Except his résumé expertise is probably outdated. Is that something that becomes "outdated"?
  14. At least I don't have to submit résumés on Kim Kardashian: Hollywood
    *picks up phone