SURPRISING THINGS I'VE NEEDED TO DO THIS WEEK

  1. sensitively navigate a discussion of uteruses in class
  2. calculate the formula of a parabola passing through a given point
  3. tower ominously over my roommate's sleeping body
  4. send a text that said "recalibration for sure."
  5. stuff paper towels into my ears
  6. explain to someone the slang definition of "melons"