best parts of working in a hospital

(i'm a speech therapist. i work with adults)
  1. quoting your patients in your notes when they amuse you
    if you are ever my patient & you swear or say something quirky then you bet i'm quoting it
  2. free coffee refill
  3. having discussions on the chances of us (the staff) going into alcohol withdrawal & how many drinks a day might lead us to get ETOH withdrawal
  4. that one housekeeper who talks to herself
    we think she's a spy
  5. the longer you work there the more that it feels like a big family
  6. people in your department bring in yummy treats
  7. free gym for staff members
  8. your confused patients always think they're on a cruise ship because of the large oval windows
    but they never seem to have an answer when you ask them what the destination is...
  9. you learn multiple tricks to get the paper contact precaution gowns to not ride up your arm
  10. you get to rip the paper gowns off of yourself like you're a superhero
  11. you come back the next day to see a patient & they've suddenly been placed under contact/droplet/airborne precautions
    life on the edge ~ great, now i might have TB... let's hope the tests come back negative...
  12. you get to help people laugh & smile when they're in possibly the worst scenario of their life
    warm & fuzzy, yay
  13. there's always something you haven't seen yet
    she did what...? how....? hmm, this'll be interesting!
  14. you get to scare your friends who don't like to wear their bike helmets
    see they take your skull bone out and you have to wear a dorky helmet (pure irony) to protect your brain and you can't speak and you're confused and...
  15. you never have to take work home with you
    yay compartmentalization
  16. you work in a building with tons of people with advanced degrees & we're all basically wearing pajamas
  17. we can talk about really gross topics over lunch with no problem