Best Alfred J. Pennyworth Quotes, to Date

Behind every great super hero, is a cranky English butler/roastmaster
  1. "You can borrow the Rolls. Just make sure you bring it back with a full tank"
    *Alfred closes eyes and slowly reclines* Alfred mic drop.
  2. "Never!"
    Classic Alfred.
  3. "And any man who's too extreme for Rahs Algul is not to be trifled with!"
    Who THE FUCK still uses the word "trifled"? My man Alfred does. Swag on a full 100 here.
  4. "Drive sports cars, date move stars, buy things that aren't for sale. Who knows, Master Wayne - you start pretending to have fun, you might just have a little by accident"
    Alfred! Roasting the hell out of Bruce! Bruce get ur rich bitch ass outta bed!!!
  5. "It's not just your name, sir! It's your father's name! And it's all that's left of him. Don't destroy it."
    C'mon Bruce. It's your birthday man! Loosen up.
  6. "Why do we fall sir? So we can learn to pick ourselves up"
    Stolen right from the lips of Thomas Wayne but since he got shot by that crackhead, Alfred is in charge of saying inspiring shit like this now. Step aside, Thomas
  7. "What's the point of all those push ups if you can't even lift a bloody log!"
    Alfred roasting Bruce harder than the collapsed flaming pile of ceiling and wood he's trapped under
  8. "Some men just want to watch the world burn"
    Yeah you know Alfred's seen some shit!
  9. "Today, I don't want to.... But I did bloody tell you"
    Because no one can resist saying "I told you so". Told you so, batman! Ya dumbass.
  10. "The Lamborghini then... Much more subtle"
    Alfred prefers the Rolls Royce. Everyone knows that.
  11. "At this point, I'd set you up with a chimpanzee if it brought you back to the real world"
    Alfred, you ignorant slut!
  12. I failed you!
    So sad