THINGS TEENAGE ME DESPISES ABOUT TODAY'S ME.

Inspired by @zoe's list that I couldn't stop thinking about.
  1. Point of reference: Me, bottom left at age 17. Also pictured: my friends Sinead (now a book publisher in London) and Jack (now in jail).
  2. I never wrote that novel.
    Buddy, I really tried.
  3. I got married and had a kid.
    I was philosophically opposed to marriage and procreation, and also felt I'd never be sane enough/stable enough/reliable enough/un-fragile enough for either.
  4. I wear a suit and tie every day.
    I didn't know how to tie a tie until I was nearly 30. And I opposed, with some vehemence and a lot of success, my high school's attempt to institute a uniform. But my suit and tie now really, I swear, is the same affectation as the khakis, flannels, and penny loafers I wore every day back then.
  5. I live in the States.
    I grew up partly in Madrid and expected to be a Hemingwayish expat my whole life.
  6. I work on the Internet.
    I remember when a friend told me about "cyberspace" in 1994 maybe, "You'll be able to transcend your body!" "That's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard of. Transcend my body. We're still virgins!"
  7. I no longer drink Long Island Teas.
    Surprisingly popular in Madrid, at least if you're fifteen.
  8. I didn't keep my Spanish.
    That's garbage, and I'm sorry.
  9. I'm kind of not that into Dylan anymore?
    Maybe we over-listened to it, dude. But I put "Blood on the Tracks" on the record player the other day and didn't feel. Also, I finally saw him play a few years after that photo was taken and he was terrible.