1. Kristin Chenoweth will admit she is an Amy Sedaris character
  2. Following the Tonys this week and LA gay pride next, homosexuality will be canceled for the rest of the month
  3. Following a two-second lull in the ceremony, Neil Patrick Harris will burst through a wall and cry, "I'm here, don't worry, I've got this."
  4. To help with ratings, the show will be retitled The ESPYs for Feelings.
  5. Unbelievably talented people will win awards and then be relegated to supporting roles on ABC Family sitcoms.