THINGS I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE FOR

  1. Telling me to smile
  2. Turning right from the center or left lane (I might actually kill you for that)
  3. Taking the last red or green gummy bear from the package that I am gracefully sharing with you
  4. Texting/looking at your cellphone while weaving like a drunk walking down the sidewalk, thwarting my attempts to pass you
  5. Texting/looking at your cellphone while weaving like a drunk on the sidewalk while I'm walking in the opposite direction (careful; you might trip on my foot)
  6. Standing in a very long line to get coffee and not deciding what to order until you get to the register (I will totally kill you for this)