Extremely well-mannered insults

  1. May the chocolate chips in your cookies always turn out to be raisins
  2. May every sock you wear be slightly rotated just enough for it to be uncomfortable
  3. May your mother come to talk to you, and leave your door slightly ajar, so that you have to get up to close it
  4. May the article load that extra little bit as your about to click a link so click an ad instead
  5. May both sides of your pillow be warm
  6. May you forever feel your cell phone vibrate in the pocket it's not even in
  7. May you always get up from your computer with your headphones still attached
  8. May your life be as pleasant as you are
  9. May your chair produce a sound similar to a fart, but only once, so that can't reproduce it to prove it was only the chair
  10. May you always step in a wet spot after putting on fresh socks
  11. May your cookie be slightly to large to fit inside the glass of milk