REASONS I HAVE CALLED IT AFTER THE SECOND DATE
- •He kissed me and apologized for how bad it was.An awkward clacking of teeth and then "I promise it will be better next time." Mmm no...
- •He talked with his feet.Leaned back on his palms and gestured with his feet as he spoke the way we non-hobbits do with our hands.
- •He leaned out of the car and I saw his buttcrack.This one's pretty cut and dried. I should never see your crack as you parallel park. I just shouldn't. I don't know why I even have to say this.
- •He bragged about the mega hot blasian girl he hooked up with last.Look, I'm not some killjoy who can't appreciate how exciting it is to hook up with a mega hot blasian girl. But I do think it's a pretty gross mind trick to bring it up on a date to get ME to hook up with you.
- •He gave me strep throat (twice)And then later I found out he made a skateboarding video with his friends called "Smegma"
- •He offered to let me move in with him.Too much too fast.
- •He played with the Freemasons ring on his pinky the whole time.And he was dressed like Night at the Roxbury