UNUSUAL OKCUPID MESSAGES I HAVE RECEIVED, FROM LAUGHABLE TO TERRIBLY UNSETTLING

An abridged list
  1. This one
    Cody is a famous band member. He needs a lady in his life badly. Text or call him right now. Please. Hit him up right now. Right now. PLEASE.
  2. This one
    Sadly no, not when I'm sober.
  3. This one
    Just including this one bc I'm pleasantly surprised to be addressed with such civility and restraint by hornyguy69_
  4. This one
    Count on prncssfairyfart to address the elephant in the room! What IS the big deal about vonneghut [sic]? // real talk though: if you are a white man and your fav authors are Vonnegut, Hemingway, and Salinger (so...all of you) pls reexamine your life and read ONE thing by a woman/poc/minority of some kind. But first go jump in a lake, you provincial honky.
  5. This one
    That was his opening line. Dunno if he was trying to use The Game but I'm pretty sure you're supposed to at least say hello first, not start negging right out the gate.
  6. This one
    I have only ever spoken these words to a piece of cake. They should never be spoken to humans. Only cake.
  7. This one
    These are the chemical formulae for the neurotransmitters dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin - "the chemical formula for love" according to the Internet. You know, like what you send to someone when you're trying to flirt but you also want it to sound vaguely like a bomb threat???