Alternatively, "Reasons You Should Not Date/Marry Me"
  1. Tolerate you wearing open-toed shoes anywhere but the beach/the pool
    and maybe not even then
  2. Hold off on watching a show so we can watch it together
    I'll rewatch it with you, but don't ask me to wait
  3. Give up Ken Burns documentaries
    Prohibition 4 lyfe
  4. Dog-sit
    In case you didn't realize it yet, I'm a villain
  5. Lose to you on purpose at anything
    I didn't come here to make friends
  6. Stop Netflixing even when the chill starts
    I will make out but keep watching the movie over your shoulder. I will break a kiss to ask you to shift so I can see the screen. I will change for no man.
  7. Laugh at your joke if it's not funny
    Nuff said
  8. Take your name
    Unless I kick your butt first