BEVERAGES THAT BEGAT A SHARP DECLINE IN MY FAITH IN HUMANITY

  1. Mountain Dew Kickstart
    Mountain Dew for the morning. With vitamins! And 10% fruit juice! 10%!!!
  2. Four Loko
    It's like the shitty American version of Chu-hi, which is amazing.
  3. Alkaline Bottled Water
    This gimmick is so bad it's offensive to people who bottle filtered tap water.
  4. Diet Caffeine Free Coca Cola
    The "Why Bother" of colas.
  5. All those hipster drinks with the sunken balls of jelly seeds.
    Seriously what is wrong with you people.
  6. Picklebacks
    I'm not above them, I'm just really confused.
  7. Kevin Costner's filtered urine in Waterworld.
    I mean from a scientific perspective it's totally fine but nobody needs to see that.
  8. Any energy drink/coffee hybrids.
    Like JavaMonster or Rockstar Roasted. What did coffee ever do to you to deserve this?
  9. Rogue Voodoo Doughnut beers
    Smacks of effort and is an embarrassment to all things good.
  10. Intentional Absences:
    AMFs (this is about efficiency people), Jagerbombs (if I hate them I hate three years of my life, too, and those years were fun as shit), Slurpees (if you don't like Slurpees we're probably mortal enemies, with the exception of the Mountain Dew Kickstart Slurpee, disgusting), more TBD