1. J Crew: Japanese Anime about Competitive Rowing
  2. Brazzers: Like Build A Bear Workshop for bedazzled lingerie!
  3. True Religion: An Apple Store
  4. Summer's Eve: Roofing and Gutter Products Manufacturer
  5. The Learning Channel: Any channel that isn't 100% exploitative reality TV. So any other channel.
  6. Whole Foods: Donut Shop
  7. Bipolar Disorder: Sexually Adventurous Pole Vaulters
  8. Tramp Stamp: US Forever stamps commemorating assholes who walk on wood floors in wooden soled shoes
  9. Tommy Bahamas: Tropical Cruise Ship Gigolos
  10. Petticoat: Tom Petty's Line of Fashionably Grungy Men's Outerwear
  11. Corkscrew: when you drink too much wine and then have regrettable sex
  12. Boxer Briefs: Mayweather's Legal Records
  13. Crossfit: Construction Company that Places Crucifixes Snugly Into Dwellings of Any Size.
    Suggested by @john