1. doing the talking-overly-loud-in-a-public-place-intentionally-so-everyone-will-know-how-cool-you-are thing.
    I get it, you bachelor party was rad. now that I've been forced to hear about it on the patio of a delightful el salvadoran restaurant, I know mine was cooler. but I didn't make you listen to it, did I?
  2. kayaking right through the water I'm fishing when you could've easily kayaked behind me.
    you're a dick.
  3. the get in the exit only lane to pass three cars before merging back into traffic
    nobody in your whole fucking life has ever loved you.
  4. asking for more after getting the hook up
    I just gave you a case of wine in exchange for a favor that was worth maybe 6 bottles. you're going to ask me for a free magnum too? not cool.
  5. standing idly in front of an area where a line is formed and blocking the people behind you from ordering delicious pastries while you stare at the glass case like it's covered in hieroglyphs.
    just get out of the way and you can resume taking 15 minutes to decide on a croissant.
  6. even trying to talk shit about Honey Nut Chex
    the door is over there.
  7. micro-managing the deli employee making the sandwich.
    if you're that picky about your sandwich, make it yourself
  8. oblivious grocery cart aisle blocking
    just know that I'm judging you.
  9. oblivious Costco cart Costco aisle blocking
    the aisles are huge! this requires a conspiracy of two or more special folks working together to accomplish something completely incredible in its obliviousness and unintentional synchrony. get your goddamn bagel bites and move your cart.
  10. manufacturing socks that have a Left and Right
    hey Nike, I don't have time for this shit. I'm sure it's not actually any different, but my compulsion to do things correctly means I have to check socks for their intended location. I hate this like Brett Michaels hates baldness.
  11. using Facebook Messenger as a viaduct for serious communication
    If you need me to address something related to my business it's probably best to email me. Facebook messenger is for people who don't have my email address (which takes like three seconds to google)or ex girlfriends who want attention.
  12. when you're winning all of the Mario Kart and then the computer decides you get red shelled four times within seconds of the finish line.
    fuck you Wario.
  13. being sold out of pupusas.
    you are making me cry and that's not okay.