REASONS I'M UNAPOLOGETIC ABOUT WATCHING ANIMAL PLANET'S ICE COLD GOLD

  1. the behavior of the men is equivocal to that of your average harem of 11-13 year olds at summer camp
    in a bad way
  2. it's a shitshow
    in a good way
  3. the staging of events is almost pathetically unconvincing
    I swear half of why I watch is to see just how unconvincing the staged mishaps are
  4. the sound editor is a genius
    he makes the results of a single panning of dirt feel like a game of Russian roulette, given what he's working with it's legit.
  5. they talk about their feelings an awful lot
    like in a pathetically self involved way
  6. they say the absolute dumbest shit
    and I quote: "if a polar bear is hunting you he's not gonna walk up and say "here I am", he's /hunting you/. so the last thing you're gonna see is the polar bear's teeth."
  7. they somehow fucked up filing a claim on a deposit of rubies they found last season
    there were literally loose rubies sitting on the ground. the government won't let them go back, and the estimated value of the loose rubies (not the ones in the rock as well) was $13MM
  8. the exaggeration
    a shot of two guys walking (not scrambling) up a slope of loose rock, the narrator "AS ERIC AND AMERICO ASCEND THE DANGEROUS CLIFFSIDE..."