STANCES THAT TELL ME I'M [NO DOUBT] ABOUT TO THINK YOU'RE PRETTY GREAT

also will guarantee a follow on listapp or insta or whatever social media comes next
  1. if you're in public explaining to people why most of Alanis Morisette's examples of irony aren't actually all that ironic.
    I see you and I'm proud of you because that kind of commitment to accurate futility is admirable.
  2. jaded but positive opinions about David Foster Wallace
    i.e. "IJ is pretty good but sometimes you have to wonder if the maximalism was just a wang measuring move or an elaborate prank to see just how much time a reader will invest to read about tennis" or "the non fiction is SO much better than the fiction" [I invented this take and fully believe it so if you're going to use it that's just pandering]. (for reals though DFW changed my life (seriously) and I'm still devastated (selfishly) that I wont have 2-4 more decades worth of his non fiction)
  3. if you feel about pupusas the same way I feel about pupusas (or el salvadoran food in general)
    I feel similarly about Japanese, Mexican, and In N Out but those aren't esoteric enough to use as a judgment filter.
  4. any sign that you like Disneyland as much as I do.
    I hide this well. it's bad.
  5. a telltale mark of the same hobby based masochism that I have.
    I love that it might take me 40+ hours of fishing in the rain by myself in winter to catch and release one or two chrome bright steelhead. if you get that, or you do something similar, we're homies.
  6. any sign that you also think Lil Wayne's output in 2007-2008 is one of the most impressive musical tears in history.
    because you're right, and we have to stick together no matter how promethazeined out the last 6 years have been. go download the fee mixtape Da Drought 3 if you want to start to hop this bandwagon.
  7. if you're equally jaded about the reality of wine marketing and American wine culture
    we're about to be tight as some vice grips.
  8. if you reference Derrida, Foucault, Barthes or any decent post structuralist and it shows you actually read it and aren't a shmuck
    even though everybody sounds like a shmuck when we talk about post structuralist critical theory
  9. if you quote the early 1/3 of strong bad emails or ask a ninja frequently
    you've basically figured out the entire foundation for my comedic development as a young impressionable adult. milk it.
  10. if you have a deep abiding love for pastry
  11. if you love your dog a lot or my dog a lot
  12. if you post some bomb non-sequitur Insta pics
  13. if you are all about the super long road trip
  14. if you love water slides