IM JEWELS BETWEEN CLASSYAF AND MYSELF

For those of you I do not know in my real life, April (@classyAF) and I are what we call froworkers - we were friends that found themselves working at the same place and it's pretty cool. We are constantly instant messaging so people don't hear the ridiculous comments we make on a daily basis. Here's a few.
  1. Omg. I want 700 more chicken minis. I woke the beast.
  2. I don't like people that wear both a loud texture AND a loud color. Pick one, bitch.
  3. #wonthedoit
  4. That's my Monday thing now. Everything with a w gets an h before it. Hwhat are you doing? My dads favorite sandwich is a hwhopper. Miracle hwhip.
  5. Get over it. Like oil off a ducks back.
    To which I usually say, "LIKE WATER. LIKE EFFING WATER OFF A DUCKS BACK."
  6. She's not a regular lesbian. She's a cool lesbian.
  7. There are two things us southerners don't mess with: storms and God. This is messing with both.
  8. I haven't trained my asshole to poop on schedule in this new building.
  9. I need queso to balance my daily bullshit.
  10. This heaux haven't been to her office once today... What do you do?!
  11. This is a place of business NOT a lemonade stand... WHY YOU BEING SO DAMN LOUD?!
  12. I had seen you scooting by to the turn lane before it was a turn lane and I said to myself. This fool is playing God. He has been so good to us today and you tryin him.
  13. Go for it. I'll spare my colon the damage.
  14. Maybe he's a car fixed. Or something with ladders.
  15. Bitch don't come for me with your cocoon cardigan and 1997 peep shirt.
  16. Can we get some grown ups to work in this b?!
  17. An attractive guy like that shouldn't give ugly girls the time of day. They do not meet the average standard of good looks put forth by me.
    Suggested by   @classyAF
  18. She walking around with no shoes on...and talking to her new boyfriend. Excuse me, her work cub.
    Suggested by   @classyAF
  19. The time I tried to salt the sidewalk with a salt shaker.
    Literally me in snow boots with the kitchen salt shaker trying to melt ice on the sidewalk. #thingssouthernersdo #butdonotunderstand
    Suggested by   @classyAF