BEST QUOTES FROM MY 6TH GRADERS (SO FAR)

I teach 6th grade at a Catholic school. 12 year olds say and write some of the weirdest and most profound things.
  1. Sassy girl: "What problems CAN'T white out fix? Sassier girl: "Relationship problems."
  2. A haiku: Lava burns a lot, It gives you third-degree burns, lava can kill you
  3. Me: "Why didn't the Tucks' appearance after 80 years?" Loud kid: "They moisturize."
  4. Me: "I was in Little Women the musical, and it's based off of a great book. They made a movie too." Student: "Little Women... is that the same as Pretty Woman?"
  5. Me to student:"Are you feeling okay?" Other student: "Ms. Knoche, she's like Cymbalta depressed"
  6. The first paragraph of a creative writing piece: "We are all waiting for our savior to come. It is foretold that he is a great and powerful goose and will come to save us all. His name is Bill."
  7. Me:"Why do you think Jess is having such a hard time talking to people at Leslie's memorial service?" Loud student again: Stage one- DENIAL."
  8. "Is this an illuminati language?"
  9. A folktale: "Dinosaurs and unicorns used to be the best of friends. When the dinosaurs died, the unicorns went into the clouds and cried their eyes out. The rain fell into the mountains, and that's why we have waterfalls. That's also why we never see unicorns anymore."
  10. "STALIN! HITLER! STALIN! MUSSOLINI! HITLER! LENIN!" - students playing four square with dictators instead of numbers
  11. Test question: "What did Pharaoh order?" Correct answer: "C. That all Hebrew baby boys be killed." Snarky student's write-in answer: "A Big Mac meal with a large Coke and a small fry."
  12. Me:"Mr. Tumnus is a faun, which means he is half-man, half-goat." Terrified student:"Wait...wait could that ACTUALLY HAPPEN TO SOMEONE?!?"
  13. Doesn't-use-context-clues-student: "Why is there toast next to that ghost?"
  14. Me:"According to this map, which religion is most dominant throughout India?" So-close-student: "Bootyism." All other students: *so many giggles*
  15. A poem: "My favorite animals are birds, but all they do is drop turds. Their poop is white, oh no one just flew into a kite."
  16. "So B.C. means 'Before Christ' and A.D. means 'After Dinosaurs,' right?"