COOL THINGS I DID WHILE DRUNK LAST NIGHT

I HAVE MY LIFE TOGETHER!
  1. 1.
    Got tinder.
    I have resisted for so long. And dear god, it's like a fucking nuclear wasteland out there. Also what's the appeal of making your pic you holding a fish? Am I supposed to be impressed by that? Is that a euphemism? WAIT IS THAT A EUPHEMISM?!?!
  2. 2.
    Ate two quesadillas from Taco Bell.
    Not a euphemism.
  3. 3.
    Asked my friend Ashley to hold my purse and then ran three city blocks.
    Apparently I told her I just "needed to find my free for a sec". I have never used this phrase before?
  4. 4.
    Said "I CANT BE BOTHERED" a lot
    I think this is my new catchphrase?
  5. 5.
    Had some crazy revelations about my ex in Seattle. Which very much confused all my Chicago friends who don't know the situation.
    I basically yelled, "I CANT BE FRIENDS WITH HIM. WE NEVER WERE FRIENDS. WE WERE ALWAYS IN LOVE." And then one of them had the foresight to take my phone away.
  6. 6.
    Saw a terrible show, and accidentally told the director how terrible it was.
    Side note @oligear if you're reading this, he looks exactly like Alex Barr and it freaked me out. Also his name is Michael Jordan. I am not kidding.
  7. 7.
    Painted my nails
    Tbh they look great.
  8. 8.
    Packed up my art work
    Not even mad about this. I have to move this week.
  9. 9.
    Casually pulled out leftover pizza in the middle of a live show.
    BYOB and P as in Bring Your Own Pizza.
  10. 10.
    Texted my high school crush.
    "Hi Tommy, hope you're well. Tinder is a fucking nuclear wasteland." Yes. That is a direct quote.